As a member in good standing you can subscribe new Turtles as follows:

We assume all prospective turtles own a Jack Ass. On this assumption is the reason for the password.

This password must be given if a fellow member ever asks you. “Are You a Turtle?” You MUST reply, “You Bet Your Sweet Ass I Am.” If you do not give the password in full because of embarrassment or some other reason, you forfeit a beverage of his or her choice.

So always remember the password.

To become an official Turtle Club Member, you must first solve the following riddles:

1. What is it a man does standing up, a woman can do sitting down, and a dog on three legs?

2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

3. What is it that a man has when he wakes up in the morning, is round, hard, and sticks so far out of his pajamas you can actually hang a hat on it?

4. What is a four letter word ending in “K” that means the same as intercourse?

Once you have solved the riddles, you can become a member of the Turtle Club.

*For the answers to the riddles, email us or ask another TURTLE...